My Days in the Akatsuki
by Sweet Kagamine Kiss
Summary: We are a world-known ninja organization full of S-Class missing ninja from various different villages. But, this is a different side to us. As told through our various stories, this is My Days in the Akatsuki. Each different story range from T to M.
1. Opening

*Background Theme: Days of Our Lives Opening*

_We are a world-known ninja organization full of S-Class missing ninja from various different villages... but, there is a different side to us... as told through our various stories... this is..._

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

_Starring..._

_Uzumaki Naruto..._

"For the last time, no: I will not become Naruko and wear slutty Gypsy clothes for your amusement!"

_Uchiha Itachi..._

"Make fun of my Pocky and I'll poke your eyes out... with sticks of Pocky."

_Hoshigaki Kisame..._

"Stop calling me Captain Fishy, Tobi!"

_Tobi..._

"Aye-aye, Capt'n Fishy!"

"ARGH!"

_Deidara..._

"My art is beautiful than yours, un! So shove it!"

_Sasori..._

"Hey! Bite my smooth wooden ass!"

_Hidan..._

"Blasphemous fuckers!"

_Kakuzu..._

"Okay, who stole my briefcase of cash?"

_Aloe Vera Dude..._

"My name is Zetsu... **GET IT RIGHT...**"

_Konan..._

"I can give you a paper cut in more ways than one..."

_Pein..._

"You don't think these piercings make me look Goth, do you?"

_And guest starring... Ishtal Sekai..._

"Don't expect me in these stories much. Unless I have a good reason to show up, then David will write me in, otherwise I'm but a mention in this parody chapter."

_They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world... enjoy reading the various stories that happen in..._

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

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><p><strong><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>** Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal.


	2. The Car Trip

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer & Author's Note: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal. This is basically Alternative Universe because Naruto is in the Akatsuki. Also, in this story, the Akatsuki are anything BUT an evil organization. They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world. :D

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><p><strong>The Car Trip<strong>

"HOLY SHIT! STOP DRIVING LIKE A FUCKING PSYCHO!"

Screams were all that emanated from a black four-door sedan with red clouds for a paint scheme. Four passengers, Deidara up front, Kisame, Sasori, and Naruto in the back seat (five if you include Tobi inside the locked trunk) were screaming bloody murder as the driver, Itachi, drove like a madman down the busy intersection swerving past various cars and trucks. The song _Approaching Curve_ by _Rise Against_ playing loudly on the car's radio just didn't make things safe with Itachi driving like a maniac.

"We woke up late! I don't want to miss that damn concert in Rockford!" Itachi shouted with mad glee as he honks the horn, "MOVE IT FUCKWAD!" causing a biker to swerve off and crash into the railing on a sharp curve. And as the car screams down the intersection, following were two police choppers, a news chopper, and various police cars, vans, trucks, and unmarked police vehicles.

Muffled in the trunk: "TOBI SORRY! TOBI SWEARS! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"

In the back of Naruto's mind, he was cursing himself with all the words Hidan would utter on a daily basis on allowing Itachi hold of the car keys. He slams into Kisame, slammed by Sasori, as Itachi made a wild turn again, but overshot the curve, and they rolled off the edge of the cliff smashing into a tree that looked eerily like Zetsu. They were all still screaming before they smash into the rocky shores below, and the car explodes in a large fireball.

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><p><strong>This is the start of another collection-style story of mine, based on the Naruto series, but this one focuses in on the Akatsuki. Also, Naruto himself is in it from time to time. The first one's short and is based off this art I saw on Gelbooru. Funny when you check it out.<strong>


	3. I'm So Pretty!

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer & Author's Note: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal. This is basically Alternative Universe because Naruto is in the Akatsuki. Also, in this story, the Akatsuki are anything BUT an evil organization. They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world. :D

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><p><strong>I'm So Pretty!<strong>

"What the hell is going on?" Naruto asks Kisame.

"Itachi's gotten pricked by an unknown serum poison and it made him this way."

"Oh! I am so beautiful!"

Itachi sighs prettily. Somehow, sparkles shined all around him complete with a bloom of rose petals. Itachi's cloak was now navy-colored, and the red clouds were now pink and fuchsia. His usual bishonen hair that would make all boys and girls orgasm just to feel those soft silky tresses of raven locks was now tied up into a ponytail complete with frilly pink bow. Pink frills also lines the edges of the sleeves, the collar...

He was the next poster boy of a romance Shoujo manga...

"I am the most beautiful Akatsuki member who ever lived! Whee!"

He spreads his hands out and twirls in a circle.

Naruto face palms. "Where the hell is Sasori?"

Kisame sighs. "Looking for the thorny plant that made Itachi this way..."

"Ugh... I can't watch this... he's too cute."

Naruto made for the exit, and Kisame decides to follow, leaving Itachi to his giggling boyish girlish self...

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><p><strong>I always believed Itachi was too bishy for his own good. <strong>:D

**Also, read the first chapter... I made an intro for this collection-fic. You'll find it a tiny bit funny... thanks and review if you like!** XD


	4. Shinigami Akatsuki

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer & Author's Note: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal. This is basically Alternative Universe because Naruto is in the Akatsuki. Also, in this story, the Akatsuki are anything BUT an evil organization. They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world. :D

Oh, and I also do not own Bleach or any/all Bleach elements in this crossover oneshot.

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><p><strong>Shinigami Akatsuki<br>**

Naruto lazily opens his right eye, and out of the corner, he spies Itachi walking calmly up to him.

"Hm? Something wrong, Itachi?"

"Looks like the Shinigami are once again in this realm. Lord Pein felt their spiritual pressures when they went through the worldly gate."

"So they are hunting the Hollows that have also broken through into this realm?"

"Correct, Naruto."

Naruto yawns, and flips out of his hammock.

"I shouldn't need to remind you of course..."

"I know," Naruto said, "we have Shinigami powers with a side of Hollow, while Hidan is the organization's only Arrancar-empowered Jashinist... it makes us a no-no in their eyes..." A rather creepy smile lifts Naruto's lips. "I hope I'm not going by myself..."

"No... I and Kisame will accompany you, with back-up awaiting our call."

Naruto nods, donning the organization cloak before picking up his weapon and seallessly strapping it along his back. It was a wide broadsword-styled weapon with a diamond-like point. The center of the blade however was made of a blood red crystal that held a red-orange malevolent glow.

He would have enjoyed relaxing in the outdoors of the Akatsuki's various vacation homes, but a job was a job.

=0=0=

The three Akatsuki members flash-stepped towards the closing pressure bouts they have been sensing. No doubt those unaware with the ability to sense the spiritual energies were feeling that aura of dread that would close around them. While Sensor-type shinobi MAY faintly feel the energy, as the energy spikes literally have no physical aspects that normally create chakra, they'd have a hell of a hard time locating. This was their reason they resorted to using the Shunpo (Flash Step). The trio stopped on top of a cliff overlooking the land below, where a battle was already going between various Shinigami in impressive numbers, taking out the weaker Hollows. Naruto smirked.

"Let's see... a total of 237 Hollows against a mere 400 Shinigami... not much."

"We'll have to be vary if there are their captain-level Shinigami..."

"So, how do we intrude, Itachi?"

Itachi said nothing, except make his eyes transform into the Sharingan. He leaps into the air and holds his hands gathering his energy. A ball of orange-red forms...

"**Kongōbaku** (金剛爆, Adamantine Blast)!" He shouts loudly, and thrusts the energy out before him. The blast of red spherical-like energy grows in size and power as it flies right at the battle. Both forces halt, but those in the center of the blast were vaporized by the attack. Many injured, some able to sustain themselves from getting killed, the rest able to escape.

The three vanish, only to warp in the center of the explosion.

"It's them again!" one of the Shinigami gasped, recognizing them by their black cloaks with red cloud prints.

"Hello, sorry to intrude, but Leader-sama sensed you people flaring your energies like candy and asked us to investigate, quell, and eliminate all Hollows or Shinigami that were causing the disturbance."

"You appear to have Shinigami powers, but are against the black hunters," one of the Hollows spoke with a growl in his speech, "are you a follower of the betrayer Aizen, then?"

Naruto grunted.

"Hm, allow me to explain... we don't like for you to come into our world and cause damage, but we also do not like the Shinigami attempting to brand whatever ways they have against us simply because we exist with the powers they use to hunt and eliminate Hollows. This is our realm, and no one, not even hell or heaven, will tell us what to do. You Hollows terrorize, and you Shinigami are prideful, as well as oppress and kill what you do not understand... **Reduce All With Sweeping Tails, Kyuubi no Yoko**!"

A powerful aura of reiatsu explodes from Naruto, the visible winds of his spirit pressure wildly whipping his cloak about. His sword began to morph, the guard of the weapon growing into the shape of Kyuubi's claw twisting around its broad base. The center of the blade now gains the Kyuubi's single demonic eye, the slit pupil seemingly glaring out at the Hollows, as well as the Shinigami team. From the lower base, the rabbit-like ears grew forth, as sharp as metal, and fangs lined the front top edge, growing shorter as it goes down to the blade's mutated guard. The ending tip of the handle was topped with a black marble-like crystal.

"Therefore, we can't let anyone survive..." Naruto finishes, making a slow sweep of the weapon and holding outward vertically down along his side, fanged side facing their enemy. The weaker Hollows seemed to back briefly by the power Naruto released. The Shinigami were sweating by the oppressive power; it was stronger than their Captains.

"**He with the Ability to Help By All Means, Susanoo**!"

Itachi's third blade, sheathed across the back of his waist horizontally (and crossed by two other blades) is drawn slowly out whilst releasing a flare of reiatsu. The blade was like ethereal flames of a ruby color once fully unsheathed. The tsuba was three-leaf clover-shaped, the handle gradually longer in length, and the guard flaring with twin tails of a short silk-like scarf with face mask of Susanoo's head guard. That feeling of imminent doom just seemed to loom ever closer.

"**Engraving the Ocean Surface, Isonade**!"

Kisame's weapon, Samehada, tingled and shivered as his master's reiatsu filtered through. The now glowing bandages slowly tear away revealing its form, the tip slowly growing its shark-like lips with a sadistic grin as they (the bandages) then wrap around the second katana Kisame draws from his side. The weapon then engorges with spiritual power before the bandages finally shred away, revealing the tail of the ancient shark sea monster. The base was as thick as a Great White, but the tip was hooked with a barb-like blade. The top line of the second great sword is lined with three differencing sized shark fins. The blade was a teal green with fading edges of gray, and the barb tip a silver blue. The guard was half shield (like a shark's head) that protected his hand, and the handle was shaped for a two-handed person ending with a squared tsuba.

In sense, Kisame was armed with not only his original weapon, but now his Shikai weapon. Together, with Itachi and Naruto, the trio from the Akatsuki organization looked positively menacing.

"Let's have some fun, huh boys?" Kisame asks the two.

Itachi remained silent and uncaring, facial expression etched with a neutral look, however Naruto was beaming with the joy of imminent slaughter.

The various Adjuchas were great in number along with a few Menos Grande, but their main threat was the small team of Shinigami. Naruto didn't see any of the more familiar ones whom seem to pester around, and assumed most of these Shinigami were just the various low ranks to captain-level Shinigami. The threesome split and attacked. The Hollows fought back, killing whomever they came against, the strange humans with Shinigami powers, or the Shinigami themselves. The Shinigami fought a two-sided battle as well. But they were unable to defend against the powers the three expressed. It was a slaughter. Naruto had fun showing off Kyuubi's powers, Kisame had fun slaying and cutting away with his blades, and Itachi was as calm as ever, showing that even in Shikai, Susanoo's defenses were still as strong as its jutsu variant. Naruto killed one of the Shinigami, but was too late in killing the Hell Butterfly it sent off. He flips back to avoid an energy shot fired from one of the Hollows, and races them, wielding his weapon and lashing out with fox flames.

"C'mon you idiots, can't you hit me?" Kisame taunted his foes.

Being the biggest of the group, it was to be expected me would be slow on his feet, but he was as swift on land as he was in the water. His physical fitness was the downfall of many ninjas and Hollows, and the rare Shinigami that hunted them down. Meanwhile, Itachi sliced the head off one Shinigami, and turns to face the wounded warrior, his blade easily passing through an Adjuchas that leapt in his path. Suddenly a large cleaver of energy raced Itachi, and the Uchiha frowned, slicing his blade upward. The energy blast collided with the shield of reiatsu the blade's defenses generated. Naruto backed away, evading the exploding ice coming from a white-haired kid that came out of a portal, followed by other Shinigami. With another flip, he points his blade up, then slices, releasing a crescent of blood-red orange. His new target used Shunpo to avoid, and he too used Shunpo to avoid getting struck by a snake-like blade. Kisame swept his blade, generating a large water geyser shaped like a shark to fly out, but the woman he targeted jumped out of harms way, dissipating the smoke released by the big-breasted woman.

_Man, this woman has bigger breasts than the Slug Sannin,_ Kisame commented in thought.

"**Spear, Hiruko**!"

A large plated scorpion tail with a leaking barb tip extruding from a beaked mouth pierces one of the avian Hollows before retracting like a snake. Sasori flashes his usual calm smile, holding the large halberd that was identically similar to his Hiruko Puppet's scorpion tail, only it had a bug-like head, eyes, a short mane of spiny silver hair, with wide triangle beak-like mouth. Several surviving Hollows ganged up on Sasori, but they were sliced down.

"**Detonate with Touch, Gari**!"

One of the giant Hollows disintegrated into a fiery blast of energy, with an outward explosive shockwave. Its death cry warbled as what remained of it was torn to shreds. Deidara grinned, his katana now transformed into a large segmented gauntlet with clawed fingers and thumb, equipped with a long thick red tongue as a type of wrist-mounted whip that came out of a toothy maw. Deidara's mouth hand remained closed however. He was flying upon his Clay Bird, a smile on his face.

"**Constricting Nature, Kagerō**!"

Multiple thick green thorny vines erupt from the ground and slash, stab, pierce, and constrict various smaller Hollows, squeezing the life out of them as many of the vines fill their Hollow holes. Zetsu moved from behind a tree, grasping his transformed weapon; a large shield a size smaller than his Mayfly shell with a large blooming exotic flower with a small Venus flytrap sprouting from its center, smaller flowers around it, and a total of nine thick vines, which were stabbing into the ground.

"So, you looked to be enjoying yourselves, un," Deidara said, his clay bird landing next to Naruto.

"Yeah. Good thing you did show up. We have more Shinigami that came as their forces' reinforcements. They show more power than the cannon fodder we slain."

In the group that appeared, were Abarai Renji, Kuchiki Byakuya, Hitsugaya Toshiro, Zaraki Kenpachi, and Matsumoto Rangiku. Their blades were already drawn, as other Shinigami who appeared to be healers were taking the surviving wounded away through one of their portal gates.

"**Material World and Light, Amaterasu**!"

Itachi commanded Shikai with his second sword. The blade's handle increased in length, purple with black flame-like decoration, and a fireball-styled guard. The blade changed from silver to pitch black, before exploding into shards and igniting into black flames that formed a fiery saber like his third sword. With a quick sweep, the rest of the trapped Hollows Zetsu captured was burned to ash.

"Huh, looks like that freak Kakuzu described is here," Kisame points to Zaraki.

The Akatsuki members crowded together, the remaining essence of reiatsu lofting through the blowing winds.

"I don't know about you... but I hate it when they show up to ruin my fun," Naruto said.

"Naruto is right," Itachi speaks up, as he grasps the third blade tighter, "**Bankai: Yūbu no Aragami Susanoo**!"

Now Itachi's third blade was fully released, as it shatters completely and wraps him like ribbons of light. The light melts off revealing the armored form of Susanoo now dons his body. His Sharingan Eyes remained active.

"Bankai now, and eliminate Leader-sama's enemies," Naruto orders, "**Bankai: Osoroshii Akumu Kyuubi no Yoko**!" Naruto's blade slimmed down in size and grew into the length of six feet, but retained a blood orange color. His Bankai form gave him the appearance of bone-like armor reminiscent of his Six-Tailed State but with decoration of symbols and iridescent orange flame marks that lit the empty eye sockets of the fox-like helmet Naruto bore on top of his head, the law forming a lower face guard.

The other Shinigami faced off against the Akatsuki, as the black red-cloud cloaked individuals obeyed Naruto's order, and went into Bankai. To match up power with power, they but Zaraki follow with their own Shikai, and then Bankai...

"**Spiritual World and Darkness, Tsukuyomi**!"

Itachi's Shikai of his first sword (which simply gained a moon-like mirror to act as a hand guard, with the center of the blade now sporting a circle cut) triggered the next fight...

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><p><strong>This was done on a boredom day.<strong> o.o

**I wish you all to be safe, respect your loved ones, and cherish them and your lives. Live to the fullest, and honor, and remember, those who were tragically taken from us. Show them you love them, by giving a prayer.**


	5. Weed Causes Hallucinations

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer & Author's Note: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal. This is basically Alternative Universe because Naruto is in the Akatsuki. Also, in this story, the Akatsuki are anything BUT an evil organization. They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world. :D

* * *

><p><strong>Weed Causes Hallucinations<strong>

Everyone was stoned out their mind. Alcohol was passed around as fast as half the heavy drunks of the organization passed the kush. Naruto was cuddling with a red-faced giggling Konan. Hidan was doing shot attacks with Kisame, Itachi was proclaiming his love to a box of Pocky, and Sasori was using chakra strings to make his anatomically-correct wooden plush puppets have sex. Zetsu was dead because it was discovered his plant DNA matched that of marijuana. Suddenly music could be heard, increasing in volume. Naruto looked around, while Konan was busy sucking him off. He gasped.

"Oh my god, it's that dancing baby from Ally McBeal!" Naruto shouted, pointing to said diaper-wearing baby break dancing to the song "I'm A Hustler".

Deidara blinked, wondering if he was really high, taking a drag of three lit joints (his real mouth, and the two mouths on his hands). It then strips off its baby Akatsuki cloak and continued dancing and shaking its baby bottom.

"That's it, I'm done smoking this bad shit," Deidara said, taking one final long drag and then tossing the weed into the water-filled sink. Blowing the smoke out, he gets up and walks away while his hand mouths spat their joints after snuffling the heat with saliva.

"Tobi dances!" Tobi shouts, and dances with the baby to the song's music. But he didn't need to strip his clothes off and be left in a tiny thong with red clouds on them.

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><p><strong>Short and hilarious.<strong> :D

**Also, don't do drugs... or else this could happen to you... the hallucinations, that is...**


	6. A Random Nudist Oneshot

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer & Author's Note: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal. This is basically Alternative Universe because Naruto is in the Akatsuki. Also, in this story, the Akatsuki are anything BUT an evil organization. They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world. :D

I love Michael Jackson and always will enjoy the Pop King's songs. So, you know I don't own his songs and his music. But it won't stop me from singing them every once and awhile when I am in a musical mood. ;D

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><p><strong>A Random Nudist Oneshot<strong>

"This weather sucks!" Naruto whines.

"Oh shut up! I'm half shark! This hot weather is worse on me," Kisame shouted from the pool.

The weather has been completely unbearable. So in order to get away from the idiots that wanted to stop them from making the world a much better place, they headed west, leaving behind the Five Great Villages, plus the minors, in the dust as they headed to vacation in Meka. The entire village of Amegakure went with them and for the vacation, doubled the population of Sanībēru-shi. But the summer months here sucked. There was an intolerable heat wave that hung over half the countryside. Because of the weather, and how Lord Pein purchased the 20 acre plot in the countryside of Kin no Kuni, everyone had unanimously agreed: no clothes except shopping in Sanībēru-shi.

"Go suck ocean water," Naruto retorted before he lays back in his reclining lawn chair and closes his eyes under the shade of the beach umbrella poked into the roof.

"Suck this!"

A beam of pressurized water shot and struck Naruto, blasting him off the roof patio. He felt more pain 'cuz the water blast got a clipping of his manhood. Inside the house, everyone was trying all they could to stay cool. Because of a certain spiral-masked man, the A/C Unit was broken and it would take three days to get a repair man out to the residence. Sasori was all puppet-made and had no such worries. Currently he was tinkering with his puppets in the garage. And Tobi was nowhere to be seen; in fact, the last time he was seen, he was on an air-trip via a **Shinra Tensei** converted to a gravity bitch-slap.

Zetsu basked in the warmth of the sunlight, and the shade of the large willow tree that shaded half of the property. Konan was making blueberry ice lemonade in the kitchen, and Pein now and then had to keep his other bodies from staring at her ass as he played Poker with them. On the other side of the expansive room, Itachi was using the Xbox 360 with their large 40 inch plasma flat screen TV...

_Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it  
>No one wants to be defeated<br>Showin' how funky and strong is your fight  
>It doesn't matter who's wrong or right<br>Just beat it, beat it  
>Just beat it, beat it<br>Just beat it, beat it  
>Just beat it, beat it<em>

He was playing _Michael Jackson: The Experience_. He was dancing under Master Performance with the song Beat It!, singing the lyrics as well, and was doing very well (if you ignore he's dancing naked).

_They're out to get you, better leave while you can_  
><em>Don't wanna be a boy, you wanna be a man<em>  
><em>You wanna stay alive, better do what you can<em>  
><em>So beat it, just beat it<em>

_You have to show them that you're really not scared_  
><em>You're playin' with your life, this ain't no truth or dare<em>  
><em>They'll kick you, then they beat you,<em>  
><em>Then they'll tell you it's fair<em>  
><em>So beat it, but you wanna be bad<em>

_Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it_  
><em>No one wants to be defeated<em>  
><em>Showin' how funky and strong is your fight<em>  
><em>It doesn't matter who's wrong or right<em>

Kakuzu was locked in his room with his money... doing god knows what with it...

_"Your momma's so ugly that the set of _Gorillas in the Mist _was inside her bathroom shower!"_

"Oh yeah? Yo momma so fat, she swam in the ocean and one fart caused Hurricane Katrina!"

And Hidan was chatting through Skype Video Chat + Facebook, having a Yo Momma Jokes fight with somebody over the internet...

Suddenly the door opens and in bounces Tobi, still nude (mask still attached).

"Tobi is back!" he declares with a cheerful shout of youth.

He's them stomped to the floor as Naruto walks in, dripping wet from the Water Cannon jutsu Kisame used against him to blast him off the roof patio. Another thing was he was now a she. Yes, somehow she changes gender when she's hit by cold water. Hot water reverses the effects.

"I'm going to deep-fry that shark," she growled.

"Tobi likes fish nuggets," Tobi said, standing again and hugging Naruko.

Once again, he eats the floor.

"Don't grope my ass!" she yells, before walking into the kitchen to fill up a pot of hot water. Once full, she douses herself and returns back to being male.

"Would you like some blueberry lemonade, Naruto?" Konan asks him politely.

"Sure Konan," he replies with a smile, accepting the drink with crushed ice.

With the tray of drinks, she brings it out to Pein and his bodies to enjoy.

Naruto sighed, and drains the glass dry as he walks out of the kitchen to watch Itachi play on the Xbox 360. He was near the end of the song, and finishing up...

_Beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it _  
><em>No one wants to be defeated <em>  
><em>Showin' how funky and strong is your fight <em>  
><em>It doesn't matter who's wrong or who's right <em>

_Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it _  
><em>No one wants to be defeated <em>  
><em>Showin' how funky and strong is your fight <em>  
><em>It doesn't matter who's wrong or right <em>

_Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it _  
><em>No one wants to be defeated <em>  
><em>Showin' how funky and strong is your fight <em>  
><em>It doesn't matter who's wrong or right<em>

Itachi breathed out, stretching briefly, while Naruto whistled in amazement.

"How can a partially blind man be so awesome at video games?"

"I'm awesome," Itachi replied as his scores were once again five stars. He slips on a pair of sunglasses, "deal with it."

Naruto just chuckled in amusement.

"Damn you! You fucking asswipe!" the two young men heard, and turn to Hidan throwing a fit.

"What's wrong? You lose again, Hidan?"

"Hey fuck you!" Hidan responds with the middle finger thrown up.

Meanwhile, back in the Elemental Nations, a grouping of the five nations occurred. A massive army marched to Amegakure no Sato, the location of the Akatsuki. However after a charge of bravery onto their deaths against a group of S-Class Nukenin plus one traitorous Kyuubi Jinchuuriki, instead they were greeted with total silence.

No matter where they went, no one could be found. Not even a random Ame civilian. Hell, even the local animals were gone. A rather pathetic but extremely easy break-in into their main HQ finally gave the Hokage, Tsuchikage, Mizukage, Raikage, and Kazekage the answers they sought for: why was Amegakure a deserted ghost town? The note explained it all:

_On vacation,_

_We'll return a week after the Autumn Solstice._

_Lord Pein, Amekage_

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><p><strong>Can you review if you really enjoy this? <strong>:D

**Edited for slightly more material added.**


	7. Karaoke Night

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer & Author's Note: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal. This is basically Alternative Universe because Naruto is in the Akatsuki. Also, in this story, the Akatsuki are anything BUT an evil organization. They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world. :D

I love Michael Jackson and always will enjoy the Pop King's songs. So, you know I don't own his songs and his music. But it won't stop me from singing them every once and awhile when I am in a musical mood. ;D

* * *

><p><strong>Karaoke Night<strong>

It was Karaoke Night at the headquarters of the Akatsuki. All members were told to return, abandoning whatever missions currently handed out. Kakuzu was the last to return at six in the afternoon due to having slain another high-priced bounty and getting the cash reward for it. A recently new member, Sekai, was there as well. Tobi vouched for him to join, and when Pein asked him why he wanted to join Sekai's reason was he got tired of hearing the east boasting that they were better than the west and wanted to show the Eastern Continent ninja neighbors how much they truly suck, and how being too prideful would be their downfall against the Akatsuki.

"Who ate the last bag of crunchy Cheetos?" Naruto complained.

"Sorry, Tobi was hungry," Tobi apologized.

Naruto groans. "Great... no more Cheetos... you pig."

"Oh take mine," Kisame said, throwing his unopened 2 pound bag of crunchy cheesy Cheetos. Naruto like a kid on Christmas morning opens and begins to eat.

"So it's Karaoke Night again?" Naruto asks in-between munching of cheesy goodness.

"Yeah, it sucks," said Kisame, longing for the Cheetos. Naruto sensed the former Mist Swordsman looking at him, or rather, the bag he was holding, and the blonde Jinchuuriki greedily pulled away.

"Why don't you share with him, Naruto?" Sasori muttered, wanting nothing better to do except tinker with his puppets.

"No way. Make Tobi go out and buy more Cheetos if he wants some, or better yet, he can go himself."

"You can be quite mean, Naruto. How can you call yourself a member of the Akatsuki if you don't share?"

Naruto stares at Sasori. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but at least they're not part of my sex life."

Sasori wisely shuts up.

Once everything was set-up, and the jukebox was on, stereo on and the portable dance floor ready to be used, they drew straws. Itachi won and went to select the first song to be used. A lively beat begins to play on the large speakers, as Itachi throws off his cloak as he spun on his feet. He's now dressed in tight leather pants, a buttoned white shirt, and black polished tap-dance shoes. Some jaws dropped at the sight, as Itachi's hair is slicked back into style.

"He still has those pants?"

Zetsu tore the cloak off his head and threw it aside.

"Man... Itachi always beats us all, even me," Naruto said, sipping his Blue Berry Punch with crushed ice. Try as he might, he couldn't stop staring at the Uchiha's crotch every few minutes...

_She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene  
>I said don't mind, but what do you mean I am the one<br>Who will dance on the floor in the round  
>She said I am the one, who will dance on the floor in the round<em>

_She told me her name was Billie Jean, as she caused a scene_  
><em>Then every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one<em>  
><em>Who will dance on the floor in the round<em>

_People always told me be careful of what you do_  
><em>And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts<em>  
><em>And mother always told me be careful of who you love<em>  
><em>And be careful of what you do 'cause the lie becomes the truth<em>

_Billie Jean is not my lover_  
><em>She's just a girl who claims that I am the one<em>  
><em>But the kid is not my son<em>  
><em>She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son<em>

"My god he sings good," Sasori whispered to Deidara, who simply nods in agreement.

_For forty days and for forty nights  
>The law was on her side<br>But who can stand when she's in demand  
>Her schemes and plans<br>'Cause we danced on the floor in the round  
>So take my strong advice, just remember to always think twice<br>_(Do think twice!)

Kakuzu has the digital camcorder out and was recording; he planned to post this on Youtube later.

_She told my baby we'd danced till three, then she looked at me  
>Then showed a photo my baby cried his eyes were like mine<em> (oh, no!)  
><em>'Cause we danced on the floor in the round, baby<em>

_People always told me be careful of what you do  
>And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts<br>She came and stood right by me  
>Then the smell of sweet perfume<br>This happened much too soon  
>She called me to her room<em>

_Billie Jean is not my lover  
>She's just a girl who claims that I am the one<br>But the kid is not my son_

_Billie Jean is not my lover  
>She's just a girl who claims that I am the one<br>But the kid is not my son  
>She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son<em>

And as Itachi danced in place, busting a rhythmic move, the others were insanely jealous of his numerous talents that don't revolve the ninja lifestyle. Who knew a partially blind man could pull off a Michael Jackson, huh? Even a stationary moonwalk was put into the dance before he resumes the song.

_She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son  
>Billie Jean is not my lover<br>She's just a girl who claims that I am the one  
>But the kid is not my son<br>She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son_

_She says I am the one  
>She says he is my son<br>She says I am the one_

_Billie Jean is not my lover  
>Billie Jean is not my lover<br>Billie Jean is not my lover  
>Billie Jean is not my lover<br>Billie Jean is not my lover_

Naruto groaned, as the points on the karaoke gave him a total five stars on the game, plus extra.

"Beat that!" Itachi crows with a laugh.

"Hey Naruto, stop staring," Kisame said with a not-so-subtle poke to the ribs, jolting the blonde's eyes from Itachi's tightly-packed crotch bulge.

"Sh-shut up, fishy," he stammers, hiding his blush.

By the end of the night, Itachi took first place, Tobi second place, Naruto third, and Deidara last place. Sekai didn't sleep well that night because he kept hearing familiar cries of passion from Itachi's bedroom next door...

He recognized Naruto's voice and as he tries to grasp sleep he never knew Naruto could sound like such a boy slut.

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><p><strong>Can you review if you really enjoy this? <strong>:D

**Do you know how to type Youtube(dot)com, then adding this (**/watch?v=C8Dt1ryzkCM**) at the end? Why do I see Itachi doing some of these break dance moves when I reread my own chapter?**

**I should write a sequel to this oneshot in the next update... like what happenns when this is viewed on Youtube...** XD**  
><strong>


	8. Karaoke Night: The Next Day

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer & Author's Note: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal. This is basically Alternative Universe because Naruto is in the Akatsuki. Also, in this story, the Akatsuki are anything BUT an evil organization. They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world. :D

* * *

><p><strong>Karaoke Night: The Next Day<strong>

He hears a knock on his door. Lowering the manga he was reading, he tells whoever was on the other side the door was unlocked. In walks Sekai. But he doesn't open his mouth upon spying Naruto's manga he was reading. Of course, the title stunned him for a brief moment or two...

"Shota zuki Oneesan wa Okirai 2?"

"You think I'm a pervert?" he questions with a raised eyebrow.

"No, I enjoy reading adult manga myself. Although, I had trouble sleeping last night... what with you sounding like such a shotafied slut in Itachi's room..."

"So you heard huh? Word of advice: earplugs."

"Hm... even so... that Sasori guy... completely puppet-made... does he still have his penis or does he have to buy the equipment?"

Naruto chuckled before imitating grabbing a dildo, but then pulls on an imaginary string, making the sounds of a chainsaw motor revving power. That got a laugh from the sand-blonde Metaru-nin.

"So, that all you're here for?"

"No... No... It's just... have you seen the internet? Itachi's a world-wide sensation. Being proclaimed as Michael Jackson reincarnated..."

"What? Really?"

"Yeah," Sekai answers as Naruto walks by him and towards the living area of the base, and logs onto the computer.

After some searching, Naruto was amazed.

"Holy crap... it's Itachi from last night," Naruto exclaims.

He looks up the info from the video link on Youtube... it was submitted by a "Five Of Undead Hearts".

"Kakuzu... I know nobody else who has multiple hearts..."

"Hey... maybe we should make a parody of Thriller?" Sekai suggested.

Naruto looks at the sandy-haired blonde.

"Hey... that doesn't sound bad... Itachi can sing... hm, but I don't know if Pein will let that happen. I mean, how many are we going to have in the dance routine?"

"Half the village? I see a minimal of fifty peeps, tops..."

"Well... I can see what we can do about it," Naruto said.

=0=0=

A month later, spies from the Five Great Villages were sent to spy on the Akatsuki due to their spy networks detecting huge movement from Amegakure. Instead, all they spied upon was a reenactment of Michael Jackson's Thriller, led by Naruto. Many took it as a threat; the west saw it as an awesome homage to the late King of Pop.

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><p><strong>I got lazy in the end. Sue me!<strong> :P


	9. Shounen Soldier Ninja

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer & Author's Note: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal. This is basically Alternative Universe because Naruto is in the Akatsuki. Also, in this story, the Akatsuki are anything BUT an evil organization. They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world. :D

* * *

><p><strong>Shounen Soldier Ninja<strong>

"Oh fuck no!"

Naruto stared at the "outfits" provided to them all.

"No way in hell I'm wearing that and become as shota as Kagamine Len! Who knows what kind of perverts would want to fuck me if I wear this!"

The clothes in question for Naruto basically looked like this: ruby red slipper-type shoes, black sheer-style stocking thighhighs and detached sleeves, white bands with attached frills for the wrists and thighs, a pink ribbon collar with a gold bell attached, a sailor collar in orange and white coloring, a short sailor fuku with an orange stripe, a sleeveless maid-styled white and orange shirt, and on its own separate clamp hanger: white and orange-striped panties. The others have their own but the colors differed.

"And why does Itachi's outfit display a blatant rip-off of Tuxedo Kamen?" Deidara demanded.

"And who's idea was this so I can kill?" Sasori uttered, the forever-teenaged red-head really not going to enjoy wearing this.

"In order: you'll wear them because we're being paid to, I don't know so don't ask me, and it was Tobi's idea after his successful sitcom _Everybody Loves Tobi_ ended its final season with TBS," Pein answers.

Everybody turns to stare at Tobi... who was wearing his own red and black version of the "outfit" everybody else were being forced to wear (for half a million Ryo; not that they know it yet).

"What?"

Later that day, a freshly dug grave appeared on a cliff overlooking Amegakure... church bells tolled in the far distance...

* * *

><p><strong>Who WOULD be more shota? Naruto or Len?<strong>


	10. Never Trust Fast Food

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer & Author's Note: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal. This is basically Alternative Universe because Naruto is in the Akatsuki. Also, in this story, the Akatsuki are anything BUT an evil organization. They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world. :D

**CAUTION:** Crudely adult humor (lightly humor).

* * *

><p><strong>Never Trust Fast Food<strong>

"Here you go."

Deidara blinked, as he was handed a large supersized serving of pepper-dusted shoestring fries from Zackdonalds.

"Oh, thanks. I was getting hungry," he says as he happily munches away on his favorite fries in all of the Five Great Nations.

He blinks again, and looks at Naruto again. He... or rather, she... she was wearing an orange tube-top tank with a deal of cleavage exposed, and a fishnet long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves ending in thumb sleeves and third finger rings. She also wore spiked black bracelets, a leather choker with a round dog tag dangling from the front, had several rings pierced along her ears, and wore beige cargo pants with black steel-capped boots, an orange belt, and she had her blonde hair with purple and pink streaks tied into twin pigtails with red ribbons.

"Why are you a girl, Naruto?"

"Oh, Itachi decided to have a hetero relationship for a month so I gone Oiroke no Jutsu and began to dress like a preppy Goth. You didn't know because you were hunting down the Five-tailed Jinchuuriki with Tobi that week you were gone."

"Ah," he says with an air of dismissal.

"I'm mad though," she said.

"Why's that?"

"I got fired from Zackdonalds," Naruto whined.

"Oh, that's too bad..." Deidara says, but continued to enjoy his food.

"I mean... it's just a damn outrage! It's not my fault, and yet that geeky little fucker didn't give a damn. Of course he'll care once Hidan and Kakuzu go after him after the hit I put on his head. Hehehehehe..."

"Yeah," Deidara speaks, after swallowing his last mouthful off fries, "so, whatcha get fired for?"

"Oh, some fuckwad was pissing in the oil that fries up the shoestring fries, the seasoned curlies and waffle fries, and onion rings and whatnot, and I got blamed for it. Honestly, I mean... how would I pee in the fry oil?"

Unbeknownst to Naruto, Deidara froze in mid-munch.

"If I DID piss in the oil, I'd have to be completely bottomless, my ass and tight pussy open to all to see, and squatting on that small steel counter-top aiming my clit towards the oil. But if I DID, I don't wanna get oil burns on my cunt from the back splash..."

She sighs, and flops back into the couch arms crossed accentuating her breasts more.

"Then again, if I served food naked I'd bring in a heck of a lot more customers... but on the other hand, I'd probably end up in a gangbang with a bunch of horny teenaged guys Itachi would most likely murder once he finds out I'm being used as a cum dumpster slut."

Elsewhere in the village, Sekai had the urge to jerk off to thoughts of a Female Naruto.

"What do you think Deidara?"

But he wasn't there when she turned to face him. The food was splayed over the table top, and the former Iwa-nin was nowhere to be seen.

"Hmm... must be thirsty."

She picks up the remote and turns on the TV, before taking out her laptop, turns it on, and begins to read web comics from VG-Cats, Chugworth Academy, and Doctor Cat.

"Ooo fries," Tobi exclaims, stealing the leftover food and running out of the room.

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><p><strong>The mentioned web comics are awesome. Check 'em sometime<strong>~


	11. Erotic Romance Book Nit Picking & Humor

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer & Author's Note: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal. This is basically Alternative Universe because Naruto is in the Akatsuki. Also, in this story, the Akatsuki are anything BUT an evil organization. They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world. :D

**WARNING:** Epic funniness. Do not attempt to laugh for a prolonged period of time. D:

* * *

><p><strong>Erotic Romance Book Nit-Picking with Humor<strong>

Naruto was barely breathing due to how hard he was laughing.

Deidara glanced over at Naruto from his place on the couch sculpting up some figurine models (out of non-explosive clay) of various Gundam Models.

"What the hell is so funny?"

"T-This place I'm reading... Dear Author dot com. Oh my god the review of this book... so fucking hilarious."

He giggles openly.

Deidara finished Wing Zero's weapons before kicking up off the couch and walks to the blond teen.

"It's a review of KNIGHT MOVES... my god, this book is supposed to be one of those adult sex romance novels like Icha Icha Paradise but with more words and less art... but this fails epically!"

"How epic fail?"

He reads the review, until it comes to the first quote: And the sight of the huge penis the knight is holding in his right hand as he shakes off the last few drops of pee is even more dazzling.

"What the hell?"

"Read more below," Naruto said; glad to be distracted; he didn't want to die from lack of air.

But soon, Deidara now finds Naruto's humor in reading this, and is soon stifling his own giggles. But soon, he gets to this part of a large quote: Once he's lost his footing, I pull myself off his codpiece as my lady hood makes a disappointed queeb sound as we separate…

And here, he explodes into hysterical laughter. Naruto quickly joins.

"See? So frigging funny! My god, the sex in this sounds so god damned bad!"

They continue reading, laughing at parts that sounded just completely ridiculous, such as "pulsing vibrations at warp speed" which sounded far-fetched and could be translated as "urinal time traveling portal". Around forty minutes, they finally finished reading the review. They laughed at parts where the sex descriptions was like high on crack, and other parts were just so horrible it raised questions on what the author was smoking when he or she wrote it.

"Bad, sounds like it were written by a twelve year old, but I'm afraid Jiraiya would likely enjoy this trash if only to plagiarize in his own perverted views."

"Shit... this just made my whole day," Deidara said, wiping a tear.

"At least I now know what blown out of the water truly sounds like."

"Queeb," Deidara said, causing another round of sustained laughter from the two youngest members of the Akatsuki.

* * *

><p><strong>I don't know if I should type the URL here, therefore, to understand the full meaning of this strange but cracky oneshot, Google<strong> "review knight moves by jamaica layne"**, and the first link Google brings up should have** "dearauthor(dot)com" **under the first link. Check it to understand how close I came to dying from laughter reading this very horrible romance novel.**


	12. Pocky PMS

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer & Author's Note: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal. This is basically Alternative Universe because Naruto is in the Akatsuki. Also, in this story, the Akatsuki are anything BUT an evil organization. They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world. :D

**WARNING:** Epic crackshot incoming! Be aware that when I wrote this, it's lightly based off the episode "PMS, I Love You" from the classic sitcom **Roseanne**. Also contains light references from American Pie 2, Futurama, Family Guy, and a cameo of Late Nite with Jimmy Fallon.

* * *

><p><strong>Pocky PMS<strong>

There comes a time when Pocky Premium Industry runs out of sales of a certain flavor of pocky due to overwhelming demand. And when this happens, there is always plans made for when people with a pocky-fetish run out of a certain flavor of pocky or just plain run-out due to devouring their hidden supply. It's relatively easy when it's a civilian. But when you are Uchiha Itachi, it's like the devil has taken a vacation and ran like a total pussy. Thus, the ninja village was dead silent save for the ever-falling rain of the wetlands that made up half of Amegakure no Sato.

Itachi was having PMS...

...

...

...

...

Pocky PMS...

...

...

...

...

The ceiling fan spun lazily on slow speed. Naruto opened his eyes. He gazes towards the wall, where a cleverly hidden seal matrix was alight with a soft glow. His eyes widen; it was activated! It was made the last time Itachi suffered Pocky withdrawal. Everybody knew of it, and the Akatsuki members save Itachi knew how to activate it; it made a beeping sound for five seconds when it was activated manually. Another way it activated was when Itachi's hidden supply was bone-dry...

_Oh no... Today's the day,_ Naruto thought as he lays his head back down, _okay... I need to clear my mind..._

He felt around, but felt nothing where his hand was groping. The space beside him was empty, and cold.

_The bed's cold... he probably has a good half hour on me..._

He gets out of bed.

_Gotta move! I need to get out._

Naruto strips off his clothes, before pulling his unique seal, transforming into his female gender. She then pulls out some clothes, and begins to get dressed.

_Minimize the damage... get as far away from Ground Zero as possible!_

She wears low-riding thong, tear-off jeans that resembled short shorts with orange belt, and a blue midriff t-shirt and an orange halter spaghetti tee which left her firmly toned stomach exposed. Pulling her hair into her signature pigtails with frog hair ties, putting in her earrings, and slipping on her various bracelets, she grabs her fat blonde Kyuubi plush doll off the couch in the corner of the bedroom. Making sure her bottle of mace was sealed in her leg-strapped ninja pouch on her right thigh she slips her blue sandals on and makes a beeline to the door. She stopped when she looks herself in the mirror. She could see the fear that radiated from her cerulean eyes.

_The horror... the ungodly horror..._

She snags her goggles and runs out the bedroom.

=0=0=

In the living room, everyone had nothing much to do. Itachi was in the kitchen making his own breakfast as everyone else had ate already. Zetsu was with Deidara, Sasori, Konan, and Tobi playing cards, Kakuzu was checking his Bingo Book for any bounties worth to hunt for the day, while Hidan was sharpening his scythe and muttering book reprisals and quotes from the Holy Book of Jashinism. Kisame... well, he was warned not to eat the Polish food leftovers, and now was dropping pipe bombs down the crapper. And Pein was simply watching the card game while also watching an episode of _Late Nite with Jimmy Fallon_.

_"I mean, it's a little weird, isn't it? This new Lauren Conrad relationship? When asked about their sex life, Brian was quoted as saying: "Oh, yeah. We just do it me style."_ The audience laughs at the joke, and Pein gives a light chuckle before Jimmy continues his monologues.

"Go fish," Sasori spoke up.

"Sasori, we're playing Gin, un," Deidara told the redhead.

"Oh?" He gazes at his cards, "well... Gin."

He lays his hand down, and Deidara blinks before getting up to examine the cards. At this moment, Naruto, in his sexy female form, bursts into the room.

"Naruto... what's the hurry, and why are you a girl today?"

"No reason. I'm going to Sixflags. Bye."

"Wait... isn't Sixflags located in the west?" Sasori questioned, making Naruto stop.

"Oh, right... well then I'm going bowling for a week. Bye."

Out she tries to leave again.

Konan calls out to the girl. "Naruto, wait! What's going on? You're acting as twitchy as Zetsu when somebody mentions fire."

"Huh? Where?" Zetsu's human side spoke, looking around in a twitchy manner.

Naruto backtracks once again, staring appalled. "Is this some sort of trick question?"

Naruto stared, as Kisame entered the room from the nearby bathroom, drying his hands with a towel. "What's going on?" he asks.

"Don't you guys know what's happening today?" she questions her fellow Akatsuki members, and leader.

"Tobi wonders why Naru-chan is all crazy," Tobi says, shuffling the cards.

Naruto looks and discovers none of them were wearing their bead bracelets like she has in her pockets. Then she notices that there was a painting of Tobi wearing a 16th Century Victorian Era clothing with a lid cod pipe in his right hand, looking all... noble-ish. Huh, where'd that come from? It was hung on the wall covering her seal. "Shit! You didn't see the sign?" Naruto half-yells, rushing across the living room, to take down the painting of Tobi looking noble in the painting; there, on the wall, everyone now saw the Itachi Signal was glowing, "Itachi has Pocky PMS!"

The following happened: a loud rip echoes as Kakuzu pushed too hard and his pen tore a ragged rip through twenty pages in his Bingo Book, Hidan sliced his hand and the whetstone he was using in sharpening his weapon, cards splashed into the air when Tobi pinched too hard while shuffling, Deidara spat his drink in shock, Sasori stared in fright not acknowledging the spray he got from Deidara, Kisame's pants fell to his ankles, and on the TV screen Steve Higgins, The Roots band, and Jimmy Fallon crowded around with looks of horror and shock displayed.

"Holy shit!" Tobi shouts.

"A-Are you sure that's not a prank?" Konan questioned the blonde teen.

"Trust me, I made that seal, and I have the Master Key," she said, lifting her bead bracelet up after digging them out of her pocket. Indeed, they were pulsing in a slow on-off from wood brown, to the tangy orange color she loved. She slips them on her wrist.

"Oh my god..." Konan whispered.

"Yeah. It's going to be a long roller coaster ride with Sybil at the switch," Naruto exasperated.

"Oh shit," Deidara utters.

"My dear Dark Lord in chaos bless my soul Jashin-sama and protect me from Pocky PMS," Hidan prayed, grasping his pendant tightly.

"Remember the last time Itachi was this way? He took Tobi's Tank-chan on a destructive war path across the planet, causing untold amounts of damages to various villages, towns, and cities! Hell, it attracted the entire U.S. military and President Barack Obama declared that nightmare a world crisis! It took KONOHA in the end to find five large shipment containers of pocky just to calm him down!"

Yes, they all remembered Tobi's armored tank that in the end was turned to scrap, and Tobi was left crying for three days and three nights... sobbing uncontrollably like that one time Michael Cole for no reason punted his puppy across the street.

"I have things to do," Pein said as he got up and swiftly left.

"Let's have sex," Konan called to Pein, following him in a desperate rush.

"Tobi has to go to the mall."

"Me too," Deidara said, grabbing Tobi before the masked man vanished in a Time-Space transport.

Zetsu sunk into the ground in order to flee like a coward, and Sasori already made a hole in the wall in escape. The doors slamming open signaled Hidan and Kakuzu were also running like hell. On the TV, the set of _Late Nite with Jimmy Fallon_ was shown to be completely empty; even the audience were missing. O.o;

She decided to follow their examples and ran for it.

"Naruto, don't leave me!" Kisame yelled, grabbing Naruto by the ankles. His pants were mysteriously pulled up again.

"Kisame! Let go!" she shouted, trying to shake the shark man off.

"No! You don't understand!" he cried.

"Kisame, I warn you; I am fully prepared to cut my own legs off," she warns.

"Naruto, wait, you don't understand," he pleads, as he gets up, moving his hands to keep a grip on the trying-to-flee girl, "Itachi is planning a surprise birthday party for you! Today's your birthday! He told me and was going to tell the others later while you would be convinced to go to the next village on a ramen spree..."

Naruto paled. She felt like she was about to throw up. While she didn't mind Itachi's surprise parties, today when he was going through Pocky PMS... it was now a nightmare!

"A surprise party during PMS... oh no," she whispered.

"Naruto, please... be careful," Kisame said, concern in his eyes.

"Naruto."

_Shit tit-licking fuck!_ Naruto swore venomously in thought.

She turned around slowly, as did Kisame. There, from the hallway leading towards the building's kitchen, was Itachi. He was half-dressed, firm muscular but tightly-packed torso open to the air for all to see his sexually-appealing desires, his beautiful hair looking all messy in a way that it said "I just shagged and it was awesome". His eyes however held an emotion rarely seen in public: love. And they were directed at Naruto.

"Do you think I'm drop-dead fuckable?"

He stares deeply at Naruto.

Kisame shoved away, with a shout of, "I'm outta here!" as he ran like a coward, leaving Naruto there by the door to the back porch with a deer in headlights look. Itachi continues to stare, waiting for a response. In the background, Samehada grew legs and ran after its master.

"Yeah! You look so delicious I'd suck you regardless of my gender!"

She even offered one of her usual care-free grins. Itachi stares for a few more moments, before slinking away down the second hallway towards the Recreational Room. Naruto lets go a sigh of relief once Itachi was no longer within earshot.

_Fuck! I need to get outta here!_

And she exits the building, and decides to hide out in one of her usual safe houses while planning several plots to finding enough money to spend refilling Itachi's pocky storage's. And thus, she was at the Pentagon's War Room across the ocean.

This was going to be one hell of a long nightmare...

* * *

><p><strong>... Itachi with Pocky PMS...<strong>

**The horror...**

**The horror...**

**... Please review!** :D

**Oh, and in my profile, I got a link leading to a picture that fully shows what Naruto looked like in his female form as seen in this chapter. She's cute and someone I'd willingly date~ **XD

**EDIT: Wanted to make this sound a bit more... odder... therefore... I edited it.  
><strong>


	13. Moon

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer & Author's Note: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal. This is basically Alternative Universe because Naruto is in the Akatsuki. Also, in this story, the Akatsuki are anything BUT an evil organization. They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world. :D I also do not own anything else that is considered a crossover.

This shows a bit of spoilers for Call of Duty: Black Ops' Zombie Mode for the campaign map "Moon".

* * *

><p><strong>Moon<strong>

Three giant missiles filled with destructive warheads flew from their posts, their rocket boosters propelling them through space as they fly from the moon base. Hidan swung his scythe, slicing away the last wave of zombies before starring with the others and their "partner" Danzo as the three missiles flew, their trajectory taking them towards Earth in the distance.

"This had better work..."

"Danzo said this would work and help bring the planet back to a normal balance with the undead taken out," Itachi said. He, Hidan, Danzo, Kakuzu, and Tobi were the last survivors. Everyone else in the Akatsuki is dead, Naruto was apparently frozen in a cryogenic pyramid where he was soon released and was seen having the power of controlling the zombies on the Moon (with a fake body similar to a humanoid nine-tailed fox), and the rest of the human race and animal life resided on the deserted Earth... aside the undead ninjas and scientists on the Moon (aka Danzo's men and women now undead).

_Soon, once it happens, the others will die, I'll steal Naruto's powers, and then rule the universe,_ Danzo thought with a sneer hidden by his helmet's solar lens shade.

_THIRTY SECONDS UNTIL IMPACT..._

One large "ball of light" emerged thirty seconds later, then another, then the last one.

BOOM!

Danzo begins to cackle. The moon itself seems to shake due to the tremendous shockwave of energy released, and continues to quake from the aftershocks. The three missiles have essentially turned Earth into a dead planet as Danzo laughs insanely; the nuclear warheads stores on the three missiles destroying any surviving live on the planet, incinerated all green life, scorched the surface, evaporated 90 percent of the planet's liquid, and in a way, created three massive craters and splintering cracks to show itself on the surface of the destroyed Earth.

"I did it! I finally achieved my plan! You fools thought the missiles held the vaccine to destroying Element 115, but instead, all you did for me was destroy the Earth!"

"Danzo!" Itachi shouted as he turns his Wave Gun at the maniacal cripple and blasts him in the face, shattering his helmet and thus exposing him to the vacuum of space. Danzo's cries were silent as the air was driven from his lungs, before imploding. He collapses slowly, throwing a bit of moon dust as his body thumps the ground.

"Uh, that's it? Seriously?" Hidan said, in sheer disbelief, "All that work and all we did was blow up the Earth? What the fuck..."

_But I want my real body back,_ Naruto's voice echoed.

Danzo's body twitched, before kicking up and rushing Itachi, smashing his fist through the helmet. The last Uchiha died, the vacuum imploding his lungs, all liquids freezing. He iced. Danzo showed all signs of space exposure, but was now also showing signs of being undead.

"YOU WILL DIE!" Danzo roars, before getting beheaded by Hidan's scythe.

But the ground explodes as zombies unbury, and more begin to pour out from the space dome. Kakuzu, Hidan, and Tobi begin to fight back, until a loud cry echoed. Naruto slowly got up, now in Itachi's body.

_Now I have the power... die!_ Danzo's voice echoed.

And soon, Danzo was the last to live... or unlive... whatever. He killed Minato, destroyed his son, destroyed the human race, has control of the surviving zombies of his former Ne Operation Ranks, and remained on that moon until centuries later, when humanoid aliens appeared. The alien race were taken down by Danzo's undead army, and Danzo himself with his new fox-like body returned to the aliens' home world in their spaceship...

Universal conquest has begun...

* * *

><p><strong>I like that quote myself muttered by Dempsey after the final Easter Egg is completed on the Black Ops Moon map. What's different from original is Danzo would survive, and take control of an alien ship centuries later after killing the rest of the Akatsuki members. Seen above, well... you understand what occurred.<br>**


	14. How Could This Happen to Me?

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer & Author's Note: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal. This is basically Alternative Universe because Naruto is in the Akatsuki. Also, in this story, the Akatsuki are anything BUT an evil organization. They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world. :D I also do not own anything else that is seen here in crossover specifications.

This one however... more sadder than you can imagine...

* * *

><p><strong>How Could This Happen to Me?<strong>

Itachi and Naruto were driving down the street, having turned the corner a minute ago.

"That was a really wonderful date, Itachi," she said, "I really loved it."

"I'm glad, Naruto," he said, offering one of his heart-warming smiles that always got her blushing. He leans close and gives her a quick kiss on the cheek.

The two young adults had gone out on a night on the town, dancing, then a nice quiet dinner. It was a romantic evening, one both enjoyed. But, they knew it had to end, but they would always remember this night with the few pictures they took of themselves with the camera, that Naruto would soon share on Facebook.

She pulls up to a red light.

"I wonder what the others will think once we tell them," she said.

"Knowing Konan, she'll mother hen us to death," Itachi laughs.

"I just hope we got parking space back at the university."

"I'm sure no one stole your parking space close to the dorm hall," Itachi told her.

She smiled, and the two shared a kiss until the light turned green.

And that's when everything changed: as they began to cross, a car from the opposite smashed head-long into them, from Naruto's side...

This was a busy area of the city they were at, so people whom heard the crash were now dialing 911...

Naruto's car was partly crushed, and the truck that struck into them showed signs of damage to the hood and bumper...

...It was chaos...

In the agonizing thirty minutes, Itachi was the first to awaken, and inspect what happened. People were watching the scene, some more emotional to the site screaming incoherently. Medical crews were rushing to the site, while police were keeping crowds away and closing the site to vehicular traffic. The car was damaged, and Naruto was almost pinned by the steering wheel and the crushed-in part of her car. He manages to get her out of the car, hurrying as the car suddenly erupted into flames.

"Naruto! Naruto, answer me!" an injured but surviving Itachi yelled, trying to rouse his girlfriend. He had light head trauma, and was bleeding from the cut in his forehead, and he knew his arm was broken, but Naruto was far worse than he was, "Naruto!"

_I open my eyes  
>I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light<br>I can't remember how  
>I can't remember why<br>I'm lying here tonight_

_And I can't stand the pain  
>And I can't make it go away<br>No I can't stand the pain_

_How could this happen to me  
>I made my mistakes<br>I've got no where to run  
>The night goes on<br>As I'm fading away  
>I'm sick of this life<br>I just wanna scream  
>How could this happen to me<em>

"Sir, are you okay?"

"My girlfriend, please help her!" Itachi yelled, tears in his eyes.

They manage to pull the young man away as the medics began to apply their skills in helping Naruto.

"Miss? Can you hear me?" a woman says, shining light into Naruto's eyes.

Meanwhile, the man who owned the truck had since fled the scene...

_Everybody's screaming  
>I try to make a sound but no one hears me<br>I'm slipping off the edge  
>I'm hanging by a thread<br>I wanna start this over again_

_So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered  
>And I can't explain what happened<br>And I can't erase the things that I've done  
>No I can't<em>

_How could this happen to me  
>I made my mistakes<br>I've got no where to run  
>The night goes on<br>As I'm fading away  
>I'm sick of this life<br>I just wanna scream  
>How could this happen to me<em>

As Naruto is loaded onto a stretcher, the medics continue to keep her alive. Itachi rides with them to the hospital after calling the others about the accident.

"She's crashing!" one of the medics yelled.

"Get the defibrillator, now!"

A man grabs the device from a cabinet wall, turns the device on, and tells everyone to back before he shocks Naruto's heart back into life.

_I made my mistakes  
>I've got no where to run<br>The night goes on  
>As I'm fading away<br>I'm sick of this life  
>I just wanna scream<br>How could this happen to me_

The ride to the hospital was short, and Itachi was left at the doors to the ER as the doctors and nurses pulled her into the depths of the building. Sasori, Deidara, Kisame, Tobi, Pein, Konan, Kakuzu, Hidan, even the hikikomori Zetsu arrived, all pilling out of Konan's van and into the lobby.

"I heard what happened! Itachi, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, but... Naruto..."

Konan fussed over Itachi's bandaged cuts, as he'd led to a chair to sit down. It was now a waiting game, as Itachi filled in what had happened.

It was twenty minutes later, when a doctor walked out into the lobby.

"Doctor, is Naruto okay?"

"Sir... the girl sustained massive injuries to her ribs, internal bleeding, and her spinal cord was damaged... I'm... I'm sorry, but she didn't make it."

Itachi's heart broke.

"Young man, do you know she was four weeks pregnant?" the man questioned Itachi. Everyone else behind him stared at the man, as Itachi gave a slow nod. A cold silence gripped the group, as the doctor offered his condolences before leaving. That silence was pierced by Itachi, who sat down, and openly cried his heart out.

"Itachi, bro... I'm so sorry," Kisame said, as he hugs his brother-in-arms.

Everybody took the news hard.

Naruto died from her injuries that night. The man, who was arrested three hours after the crash, was drunk three times the legal limit in Sanībēru. He would remain in prison for a long time. For Naruto, her life was over. The funeral for her was all prepared and paid for by Itachi, as he came from a rich family. The only people there were Itachi and their little group everybody at the university dubbed "Akatsuki".

Naruto was born an orphan, she grew up an orphan only supported by Itachi's mother and the man she grew to love, and she died as an orphan.

But in her final hours, Itachi remained by her...

* * *

><p>Untitled (How Could This Happen To Me?)<strong> by <strong>Simple Plan**... A bit short... but I was listening to this song when I got the idea to do this...**

**I expect people to have tears by the end of this.**

**I lost a friend to a drunk driver, and it really hurts. She had so much potential in her life but she was tragically taken from us, my friends, her family. You'll never know what is important to you in life until you lose somebody you love. So, cherish them. Cherish the people who you care for.  
><strong>


	15. I Am His Maid

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer & Author's Note: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal. This is basically Alternative Universe because Naruto is in the Akatsuki. Also, in this story, the Akatsuki are anything BUT an evil organization. They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world. :D I also do not own anything else that is seen here in crossover specifications.

All except Naruto in a dress... THAT I do own... he's cute in a dress somehow.

* * *

><p><strong>I Am His Maid<strong>

Naruto felt exposed. The maid dress (1) given to him was a primary pink color with pinkish white, and he was wearing the entire assemble: dress, maid headdress, garter, stocking... everything a maid would normally wear, even the lacy panties.

"Stop fussing," Itachi said, acting completely normal and cool, "you look good. Besides, you knew the deal when you lost that card game last week."

"I can't believe I was talked into doing this by Konan," Naruto fussed, his cheeks taking on a slightly red tint when he heard whistles and cat calls from a couple of people.

"If I was younger, I'd be acceptable for shota date rape," Naruto told Itachi.

If Itachi heard, he said nothing.

* * *

><p>1. <strong>In my profile I got this link under Fanart Section leading to a freetexthost file I created, and it has some links. I got an image link there to the outfit in question Naruto was wearing. Check it out, and then have a laugh.<strong>


	16. Andy Dick

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal.

**Author's Note:** This is basically Alternative Universe because Naruto is in the Akatsuki. Also, in this story, the Akatsuki are anything BUT an evil organization. They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world. :D I also do not own anything else that is seen here in crossover specifications.

* * *

><p><strong>Andy Dick<strong>

A car slows to a stop at the dirt side of a road in the middle of an unnamed country.

"What are we doing here?" questioned comedian Andy Dick.

"We're going for a walk," Deidara tells the man.

"But-"

"Want the drugs?" Deidara taunts, shaking an orange pill bottle, making it rattle loud. Andy goes into a dog mentality at the sound of yummy. "Go fetch the drugs, boy!"

Andy jumps out the back window like a dog and runs across the street and over to the bottle.

"FLOOR IT!"

A squeal of tires echo as the van speeds off in a hurry. Andy Dick looked back, as Naruto rolls the electronic windows up.

"Good idea on throwing those drugs out the window," said Naruto.

Deidara grins. "They were orange and white Tic-Tacs," was the young man's reply.

"Ahh." Naruto leans back into the seat as they drive down the county highway, "even better."

The two Akatsuki members smile and drive down the country road. Naruto turns the radio on and searches for his favorite station.

_"You are listening to Liberty City Hard Radio."_

A song starts playing, and Naruto nodded. He liked this song. He happens to take a glance in the rearview mirror, and his eyes widen. He turns around to look out the back window, and gasped.

"Uhh, Deidara... Andy Dick's chasing us."

"What?" he shouted, and looks in the rear mirror. Indeed, the man was running after them down the country highway.

"Drive faster!" Naruto yelled panicky-like.

"I'm driving faster than the legal speed limit right now!" He yells back.

Andy Dick started to increase his land speed, huffing and puffing.

"He's gaining on us!" Naruto shouts.

Andy Dick then takes out a gun, and the two boys scream. But instead of taking aim, he simply runs even faster than Deidara's vehicle. With a casted glare... he runs past.

Deidara blinks. "He's running past us?"

And soon it becomes clear: he ran towards the 24 hour pharmacy they soon pass and hear two gunshots and a girl's cry.

Naruto sighed. "Oh... he's robbing a pharmacy for drugs." The two calm down. Naruto smiles, and reclines again. "That's nice."


	17. 火遁：尾九火災の流れ

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal.

**Author's Note:** This is basically Alternative Universe because Naruto is in the Akatsuki. Also, in this story, the Akatsuki are anything BUT an evil organization. They parody, they're fun, they're adventurous, plus, all sorts of shenanigans can happen when they're not busy taking over the world. :D I also do not own anything else that is seen here in crossover specifications.

* * *

><p>火遁：尾九火災の流れ<p>

Two Akatsuki members were having fun with a camp out. It was night time and the stars were bright and clear in the cloudless sky, with the flicker and crackle of fire in a dugout pit. Tobi adds some new firewood to the flames to keep it burning lively before sticking a hotdog on a long metal stick and roasts it in the licking tongues of the flame. His outdoor companion was roasting marshmallows, but unlike our orange-masked buddy using the flames on top, Naruto kept the puffy food stuffs closer to the hottest areas of coals.

All of a sudden a girl emerged from literally the very shadows near the bridge that crosses over the large river.

"Hi, I'm a Twilight fangirl. I'm looking for sparkly vampires that could live out here in these weird woods by the river. Can you-"

Nine streams of powerful flames explode forth from Naruto's mouth as the flame scorches the surrounding area it "splashes" a black char. The flame continues to burn and burn and burn, until finally Naruto could no longer hold the jutsu and cuts off his chakra. Not even ash existed of the poor victim of the book series and its movie adaptations. A small Suiton jutsu was used to smother the hot spot.

Tobi blinks his only exposed eye. "Tobi thinks you have issues."

Naruto shivers. "I hate Twilight fangirls. They get all giggly about stalking emos that sparkle, or the fact somehow a vampire has the ability to get an erection when it's technically dead to impregnate a living human."

"... Tobi believes you went overkill," the masked man added.

"Shut up," Naruto said, and returns to what he was doing earlier: make yummy smores by the campfire. "You made sure the boat was properly anchored and the caught fish in the fish box are still alive?"

"Tobi is sure the boat is anchored to the rocky shore, and the fishes are still swimming lively," the masked man cheerfully replies.

Naruto nodded, before blowing the fire on his marshmallows, and goes to the nearby table next to the RV to make more smores.

* * *

><p><strong>I was asked by someone who followed me on Tumblr to write something that involving the fun of camping out and Twilight.<strong>

**Well, there you go~  
><strong>

**Katon: Okyū Kasai no Nagare** (Fire Release: Nine Tailed Fire Stream) - Nine streams of flames blown out. Basically the use of a portable propane blow torch but with a much larger flame.


	18. Hashtag ToonamiIsBackBitches

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal.

**Author's Note:** And now for a very important announcement (if you haven't heard already).

* * *

><p>#<strong>ToonamiIsBackBitches<strong>

"HOLY SHIT!"

The shout of one Uzumaki Naruto got several people to rush into the living room. It was 1:30 in the morning.

"Naruto, what's wrong? Are we under attack?"

Naruto was acting like a giddy child, jumping like a hyperactive junkie.

"I can't believe they actually listened! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!"

Deidara grabs the teen and shakes him.

"Shut up and tell us what's going on? You have any idea what time it is, un?"

"Shut up! This is better than Lord Pein getting laid with Konan!" he yelled back.

Itachi sighed.

"Naruto-kun..."

"They finally listened to the voices! They're bringing back Tom and the Absolution, on May 26!"

Itachi raised a brow.

"Wow, they're actually bringing back Toonami?" questioned Sekai, who was adopting a similar grin at this news.

Then the TV flipped to a quick commercial on their Adult Swim programming, detailing the hashtag "ToonamiIsBackBitches", the date, and Tom himself in a still-screenshot. Then it goes right into the next episode of Family Guy.

Sekai laughs. "Okay now I have a reason to be happy. I need to check the Twitter feeds on this news."

And he goes back to his room to turn his computer on to check on his Twitter.

"I just don't see what the deal is, un." Deidara released Naruto.

"You weren't born during the era of Toonami, the original block of anime," Naruto flippantly says. "Sekai and I were however so we're glad. Hopefully though they could replace Furi Kuri with a different anime I haven't seen yet..."

Deidara grunts and leaves the living room. Itachi illicits a soft yawn.

"Go to bed soon Naruto-kun."

"Sure, sure," Naruto said, dismissing his lover as he goes on his Twitter via his iPad. Itachi leaves to return back to bed. Naruto would go to bed soon... once the sun cracks the early dawn.

* * *

><p><strong>Yes, you read right. Toonami is indeed returning. As a person who grew up in the 90s this makes me happy. Toonami is how I got into anime. Let's hope it lives on longer this time around.<strong> :D


	19. The Akatsuki Song List

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal.

* * *

><p><strong>The Akatsuki Song List<strong>

"What are you doing?"

Naruto gazes to Sekai who walked into Naruto's room in the Red Dawn Mansion.

"Oh, I'm working on a song list that would fit each of us here in the Akatsuki," the whisker-faced teen replied.

Sekai looks over Naruto's shoulder. He was on the Tumblr website, and there was a list of uploaded songs with a picture or detailed art of each Akatsuki member.

"I didn't do Orochimaru even though technically he was once part of the group. I still see him as a boy-grabbing pedophile."

In Otogakure, Orochimaru sneezed.

"I think that's a stereotype. There's no proof he's a boy-grabbing pedo," Sekai tells Naruto.

Naruto simply hands him a folder labeled "Proof". And one flicker through the pages...

"I retract my previous statement."

The other boy smirked.

"So, originally it started out when I couldn't help but blog out that the song _Comin' In Hot_ by _Hollywood Undead_ fitted exactly to Pervy-sage's pervyness... then I looked to Itachi, and I found one song appropriate for him: _Behind Those Eyes_ by _3 Doors Down_."

Sekai arcs an eyebrow. "Really? Hm... sounds about right for him."

"Then Hidan's song would be _Them Bones_ by _Alice In Chains_."

Sekai barks a laugh.

"Lord Pein's is _I Am God_ by _Psykosonik_, and Deidara's is _Take It All_ by _Zididada_."

"The Psykosonik song I agree... Deidara's sounds like rock and roll. OH... Oh wait I just saw the reference..."

Naruto giggled. "Yeah... that's what came to me when I listed that song to our resident clay bomber."

Sekai looks to Naruto as the teen clicked play on the Pein post, and the music for I Am God starts playing. Sekai is a fan of the band, after all. Naruto opened up a text file and Sekai reads the rest of the members off.

Kakuzu - _Until The End_ by _Breaking Benjamin_

Konan - _Devil Is a Woman_ by _Charm City Devils_

Sasori - _The Poison_ by _Bullet For My Valentine_

Zetsu - _Bad Seed_ by _Metallica_

Hoshigaki Kisame - _Tear Away_ by _Drowning Pool_

The Akatsuki - _We Are One_ by _12 Stones_

The last one Sekai had read for Tobi, was interesting to the sandy-blond teen with the violet eyes.

"_King of My World_ by _Saliva_?"

Naruto looks to him.

"Yeah."

"Why?" was the inquiring question.

"I dunno... it felt perfect for him for some reason," was the blond's reply.

"So, what would my song be?"

"I'm still searching. I'll tell you when I'm finished though."

Sekai nodded. "Sure, bro. Hey, while I'm here, what do you think about crazy chicks?"

* * *

><p><strong>Well it's random but in a sense it is partly true on my Tumblr. Been lurking for songs that would each correspond with each individual member of the Akatsuki. It all started out when I and my friend Tsunade<strong> (I don't know her real name and I haven't asked yet but she likes to call herself Tsunade 'cuz she and her husband cosplay Tsunade and Jiraiya)** were chatting about something random, then I mentioned music. And then one song I was listening to I started to look to Jiraiya and said to myself, **"Hm, this is a song I bet he would love if Naruto was placed in the real world."

**Naturally I told my friend that and she Gibbs slap me because now she can't help but giggle when she listens to **_Comin' In Hot_** by **_Hollywood Undead_** without seeing Jiraiya at a bar drinking booze and flirting with half naked chicks while breaking into song and dance to said song. And now while following the whole 1 song per upload a day ruling they have on Tumblr** (I don't trust songs on SoundCloud or Spotify due to many I find are either tone-deaf or have extra background noise that interferes with listening)** I am doing an Akatsuki Song List... do you see the pun for Tobi's song?**

**The last sentence was WWE-related... **:D


	20. Wanna Know How Much

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer: **Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal.

* * *

><p><strong>Wanna Know How Much Brian Griffin's <strong>_Faster than the Speed of Love_** Sucks?**

Naruto took out a large storage scroll and swipes a bit of his blood on the seal, unraveling the item and revealing in a plume of smoke dozens of thick books. On each back was an author photo of a anthromorphic white dog with larger-than-be muscles.

"What's that?" Deidara asked.

"Oh, a bunch of books from this loser author who thought he wrote a masterpiece novel. The bookstore I go to had all these unsold copies at twelve thousand. I said I'll take them all and the guy was very happy for it."

"And... you like this?" questioned the bomb-loving ninja.

"Nope. I use it for kindling," he answers, grabbing the book Deidara leafed through like a flip-book, and tosses it onto the fire giving it more to burn.

"Oh..."

Deidara grabs another book and tosses it into the fire.

"I've used three hundred books thus far making fires on these long-term missions. Heh... if there was one thing this Brian guy is good at, it's writing up firewood."

"Ha!" Deidara barks a laugh.

The two share a laugh together.

... And now you know how much Brian's novel sucks...


	21. Brian Griffin: Dead?

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer:** Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal.

* * *

><p><strong>Brian Griffin: Dead?<strong>

"Nah. He's not dead. Sooner or later Brian Griffin returns on TV with little to no explanation, or the writers concoct a half-assed explanation to his revival. Just you wait..."

"Wait a minute, how would you know that, Naruto?"

Naruto shrugged. "Trust me, it's a cartoon sitcom. Eventually we'll see if I'm right or wrong, Sekai."

Sekai looks at the blond Akatsuki, before dismissing the conversation and returns to viewing clop on Tumblr, and Naruto returns to playing Grand Theft Auto V on the PlayStation 3.

* * *

><p><strong>So yes I had heard the news too. But there ARE some people out there that believe Brian's death in the latest Family Guy episode is just a big middle finger to the viewers and that later on in the season he's back as if he never died.<strong>

**Me? Well, if the writer's truly ARE willing to go this direction... we'll see how this affects the series as a whole. But it eludes to an interesting very short one-shot for this, and a reason to update one of my fics...** :P


	22. Brian Griffin: Not Dead Apparently

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer:** Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal.

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><p><strong>Brian Griffin: Not Dead Apparently<br>**

They had just finished watching the latest _Family Guy_ episode "Christmas Guy" and next was _American Dad!_. Sekai looks over to Naruto who cuddled up next to Itachi on the lover's couch.

"Well, when you're right, you're right, Naruto."

The blond-haired teen smiled. "See? They wouldn't let Brian Griffin stay dead."

"The episode seemed a bit rushed," commented Deidara.

Sasori sips his iced tea. "It was. I wonder how the critics will respond to this episode by tomorrow morning on the internet..."

Is it weird a bunch of missing ninja of a banded criminal organization are spending their Sunday nights watching western animation TV shows?


	23. Hyperdimension Neptunia Goodness

**My Days in the Akatsuki**

**Disclaimer:** Kishimoto-san is the creator of this series, and owns all the official characters of the Naruto world. All I own however is any original characters that show up in mild filler scenarios. I also own my original character Sekai Ishtal.

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><p><strong>Hyperdimension Neptunia Goodness<strong>

"Wow, now I understand why Sekai finds the games so moetastic," comments Naruto. He had finished the first game, and was now playing Hyperdimension Neptunia mk2.

Itachi sighed. "Something tells me this is going to keep you up at nights."

Naruto just grins in response, not looking away from the thirty inch large LCD TV in their HQ's living room.

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><p><strong>I'm sorry Hyperdimension Neptunia distracts this author from writing or updating any of his stories for the past couple of months...<strong>


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